Hurt, exhausted and honest

 Some days I swear I’m tired right down to the bone. Tonight is one of those nights.


My husband reposted an old TikTok memory — a duet from 2022 of me and my ex. That alone is whatever. But what gets me is that now, whenever he posts anything with my face or my name, he blacks out my side of the screen. He blacks out my name. He can’t even stand to show the person he swears he loved, but he still wants to weaponize the past.


He’s stopped posting directly about me, but the indirect shots haven’t stopped. He uses songs he knows I’ll recognize, little captions like “targeted,” like he’s sending secret messages meant to rattle me. And honestly? I’m just exhausted. It’s like he wants to keep me in the story, but only in the shadows.


For a while, he had one of his girlfriends, Maria, posting attacks on me. She was the last survivor from my poly period with him. The sad thing is… I actually don’t feel anger toward her. I just feel tired. Because as far as I know, she left him after he told her she wasn’t raped — because the guy said she “consented.”


That’s exactly what he did to me. When I wasn’t with him, he raped me. And when I tried to cut him off afterward, he ran straight to the guy I was dating and told him I cheated. I got thrown out, and in that vulnerable moment, he pulled me right back into his orbit. Manipulated me until I moved back in. And now watching him recycle the same script on another woman… it’s sickening in a way I don’t even have a word for.


I don’t know if Maria will stay away. She’s been broken down so much, just like I was. Manipulation makes you believe pain is loyalty. She might go back to him for a third time. Supposedly she’s pregnant now — with the rape child. And that part just… it hits somewhere I try not to look at for too long.


I’m writing this because I need the truth somewhere outside my head. I’m not here to argue, or rehash, or get dragged into the chaos he creates. I’m just tired. And I’m finally letting myself say out loud what I’ve been carrying alone.


Some people change their lives. And some people just change their targets.

I’m choosing to break that cycle. Even if it hurts. Even if it leaves scars.


Because at the end of the day, the way he treated Maria — and every abusive post he hides behind online — proves he’s not the “protector” he pretends to be. He’s just the one we needed protection from


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